It Doesn't Matter
by Handwithquill
Summary: "It doesn't matter" Damn it! Jim hated that phrase


The light from the screen in front of him illuminated Jim's face. He had two windows open. One was for an all inclusive resort on Risa. The other was an ad for a cabin in the Pocono mountains. The Enterprise had a refit coming up and the whole crew was getting a months shore leave. Jim had spent the last hour trying to figure out which one would get the better reaction out of Bones. He actually would like any reaction so long as...

He tilted his head minutely to the left to look at where Bones sat on the couch in his quarters. The only other light in the room was coming from the PADD Bones was reading from. Every once and a while he was bring his hand up and tape the screen with a stylus, before going back to reading the reports from Medbay.

Jim snapped his eyes back to his screen and decided that going back home to Earth would be the better bet, but he saved the link to the Resort just in case.

"Hey, Bones," he called out, trying to make his voice sound normal. There was an answering sound coming for the couch. He bit his lip before continuing. "With leave coming up, I was wondering if you'd like to go here?"

He sent the link for the cabin to Bones' PADD. He kept his eyes in front of him, but listened. There was no sound from the couch. No tap of the screen, no little click as the link opened. There _emwasem_ a very quite sigh. There was the sound of the PADD being put on the side table and Bones standing up.

"Whatever Jim. It doesn't matter." He walked into the bathroom and the shower turned on.

Jim's head fell, a clenching in his chest, as he willed the tears the formed not to fall.

Damn it! He hated that phrase.

'It doesn't matter.'

For the past two months, whenever he asked Bones a question that wasn't ships business, he would only reply with 'It doesn't matter.'

He couldn't lose Bones! He couldn't! Everything he had achieved, every good thing in his life, his Captaincy, the Enterprise, hell just still being in StarFleet, it was all possible because of Bones. Because on that flight from Iowa to San Francisco he decided that the crazy ranter next to him was his new best friend.

Bones was the reason he didn't drop out in the first semester. Bones was the reason he didn't ditch most of his classes. Bones' eyes lighting up with pride when he aced a test was why he worked so hard.

Bones was the only person he would ever love.

Bones still loved him. He knew it! His hand drifted off the desk to his hips, slotting into the fingerprints Bones had left there last night. He squeezed, sitting up straighter, head falling back as he remembered Bones under him, inside him.

em_Jim had prepped himself in the bathroom and crawled into bed. Bones' brow had furrowed when Jim pushed him onto his back in the middle of the bed. He had used his still slicked hand to reach into Bones' sleep pants and grasped Bones' cock, which was already staring to harden. He had watched Bones' breaths deepen as he stroked him to full hardness. Then he had removed his hand and Bones wiggled out of his pants. Once Bones had flung them aside, Jim had straddled him. He lined up and saw Bones furrow his brows again, one hand going to the side table. He had shook his head and sunk down./em _

_ emHe had taken Bones' hands, laced their fingers, to use as leverage, as he rose and fell. But what mattered to him right then was Bones' eyes. He could tell they were both getting close when he saw it. The veil over Bones' emotions fell. Everything was in Bones' eyes. What Jim meant to him, what Bones meant to Jim. It was all there./em_

_ emBones broke the hold Jim hand on his hands. He wrapped one around Jim's waist and used the other to push himself up. Their lips were millimeters apart, their nose almost brushed and their eyes still held. Jim had opened his mouth to say...something, but what ever it was going to be was lost as Bones thrust up into him. He did it again. And again. After a third time, Jim had continued his own movements, dropping down to met Bones' thrust up. He had brought his hands up under Bones' arms and was holding on to his shoulders. But his eyes never left Bones' and it was what he saw there that had him falling over the edge in release. Bones had gripped Jim's hips as he thrust up wildly. Jim saw his name formed on Bones' lips as he was filled./em_

He couldn't lose Bones, and he wouldn't! He stood from his desk and walked to the bathroom.

Bones was standing in the shower, head bowed as the spray broke over him.. The water temperature was a little too hot, judging form the amount of steam and the pinkness of Bones' skin. One hand hung uselessly at his sides, the other held a sudsy washcloth against his chest. Jim unbuttoned his pants and let them fall to his ankles as he pulled his shirt over his head. He pushed off his boxers and slipped into the shower.

Bones didn't react to his presence, until he tensed when Jim wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his face between his shoulder blades.

He rested his hands on Bones' hips, before lightly squeezing the left one. He trailed his right hand up and around Bones' chest and took the washcloth from him.

"Bones," he said softly, kissing the skin in front of him, moving the washcloth in circles. He smiled as he felt the tension drain out of the body in front of him. "Please? What's wrong?"

Bones took a deep breath and let it out slowly. And another. "Jim,...it-"

"No!" Jim said, spinning him around. "Don't say it doesn't matter! It does! Just tell me! What did I do wrong? Because what ever it was, I'm sorry." He cupped Bones' face with both hands. "What did I do that was so bad that you're shutting me out."

He frowned and stuck his hand in the spray behind Bones. When the soap was washed off, he cup one hand and brought it up to rinse off Bones' cheek. Bones sighed and tilted his head into Jim's hand.

"I love you, Bones." he said, just loud enough to be heard over the shower. "I love you and I'm not going to stop. So you are going to tell me! I can't believe that whatever it is, it can't be so bad that you won't even fight me about it!"

Bones opened his mouth, but didn't say anything. He tilted his head to the side and studied Jim for a few seconds. Jim blinked as Bones lowered his head with a gentle laugh, he shook his head. He raised his head just enough to look out his eyelashes at Jim.

"I'm sorry, Jim. I've been a bear lately, haven't I?"

"Well, uh..." He trailed off. Bones took a step closer,his hand reached out, fingers slotting into the marks he left the night before.

"I truly am sorry." He leaned in and pressed his mouth to Jim's. "Forgive me?"

"Of course. But what was-whoa!" Jim threw his arms around Bones' shoulders when the doctor's hands clasped under his thighs. He wrapped his legs over Bones' hips as he was pressed against the shower wall. Bones leaned in for a kiss, but Jim stopped him.

"What was wrong?" He asked again. Bones shook his head with smirk and pressed his lips to Jim's

"It doesn't matter."


End file.
